Last year I packed up a U-haul along with my family and started my whole life over. The life that I had put in work to achieve. I had a great job with salary pay and benefits. I had just earned a promotion and a certificate in Contract Management. I was even winning awards in my professional organization, Toastmasters. Shout out to my time in Toastmasters and all of the amazing people that I met by the way. That experience helped me get back comfortable doing public speaking which also led to me finding my voice again. On top of these things, my husband and I both had cars parked outside of our nice rental home that had more rooms than we needed. Yet still packing up that U-haul was the best decision that we could have ever made. My Higher Self was calling me to do more, calling me to do something different, challenging me to let go of the belief of what I thought success was. I was being called to find my purpose, heal, and rediscover my gifts.
Last year I also cut all of my hair off. I shaved it down to the scalp. My first shaved hair cut was a fail. I ended up leaving the shop slick bald, which were not my intentions at all before I took a seat in the chair. I rushed and did not find the right barber to get the job done that I originally wanted so I ended up taking a loss. I wanted a fade and I ended up with a “gone”. I can laugh now because that mishap helped build me too. I really had to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin. I had big chopped before back in 2014 shortly after finding out I was pregnant with Jr and moving to Austin. I still had a twa (teeny weeny Afro) so even though I had to rediscover myself that time was way different from having no hair at all this time. This time I needed to look beneath the surface. This time I had to reconnect with my soul.
Last year I also deleted all of my social media accounts and started them over. My oldest account was ten years old and I had connected with thousands of people on each platform and in real life. I know deleting my accounts was unheard of in a day where social media means so much especially in my generation. It was also going against the grain to delete my pages knowing that I would be starting a blog soon. I had to though. I needed a refresh. Did I still have the same beliefs that I had posted about at age 16? Was I still in connection with everyone that I had met during those years? Did everyone still need that same access to me and now my family by a simple click on my page? Probably not. I needed to detach from the “likes” and seeing the old memories constantly pop up of who I once was. I needed to build new connections and focus more on the physical world around me. I also needed a break from the digital world.
In each scenario I had to reevaluate, release, rebuild, and renew. I found new freedom in doing these things along with the other changes that soon followed. Even now I am constantly letting go of anything that keeps me stagnant and that doesn’t help me evolve anymore. I’m not attached to anything that can fade away. Likes, hair, accomplishments, degrees, certifications, awards, etc don’t define me. It’s the love in my heart, the fire in my soul, and bringing the vision into fruition that God has given me that make up my identity. I’m not afraid to lose anything if that means gaining more in regards to knowing who I truly am.
I’m purging today
And taking back my power
The shackles on my mind
Must come off
To properly wear my crown
That has already been bought
Painting: “Exorcist”
