When I got pregnant with Jarvis Jr. back in 2014 shortly after I graduated college, I was an emotional wreck. I had heard the stories about pregnancy hormones but I didn’t know how they would affect me. One minute I was crying, the next minute I was angry, and then the next I was spiraling with anxious thoughts stemming from every irrational fear that you can think of it. It was safe to say that my emotions controlled me. This was discouraging. I went through perinatal depression over the next few months and then postpartum depression after I gave birth which lasted over a year. In 2016 when I went through my version of a “great awakening” I learned about the power in controlling my thoughts and emotions by taking charge of my mental health and utilizing other powerful tools to help with healing. I was positive again! I felt powerful again! I remembered my purpose! I was alive! It wasn’t until I got pregnant with Legend in 2017 that I had to put all of this “awareness” and “consciousness” into practice to see if controlling my emotions would work during pregnancy too. With my awakening I initially thought that being conscious and self-aware was about being positive all the time and being able to see through the illusions and limitations of this world. Being fully conscious is actually acknowledging both the darkness and the light with the awareness in how they bring balance to one another. In order to do this I learned that I needed to be fully aware of my emotions, thoughts, and diet to be my best version.
At first I thought that if I could just tell myself to “be happy” then that’s what would happen. While it did help to speak positively over my life, I needed to dig deeper and discover the truth. I needed to figure out why certain things triggered me emotionally. I had to allow myself to feel my emotions instead of just pushing them away and thinking a false happy thought instead. To create genuine positive emotions and thoughts, I had to work through my darkness to get to the light. Instead of holding back my tears, I had to cry it out sometimes. Crying tears always lead me to solutions after counsel with my Higher Self. I had to see my heightened emotions as a gift and not a curse. Emotions help us truly feel the human experience. Once we choose to feel our emotions they show us the state of mind we are in by revealing our deepest thoughts and the frequency we are vibrating on. Becoming aware of my negative thoughts inspired me to change them. This in turn led me to change my actions which is the only way to bring about real change. I can easily say, “I am love. I am wealthy. I am healthy.” If I’m not doing things that align with those thoughts such as treating people with kindness, taking care of myself, creating better spending habits, looking for ways to increase my income, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly then those thoughts will never match my reality. Our thoughts are also affected by our diet. Diet consists of anything that we consume from food, beverages, reading materials, tv shows, conversations, energy, skin products, and more. It wasn’t enough to just consume more of the healthy “stuff”. I also needed to be aware of how all of the “junk” affected my mind, body, and spirit.
Embarking on a conscious pregnancy was another one of the best decisions that I’ve made. I used a time of heightened senses, intense emotions, fluctuating hormones, discomfort, and pain to create change, seek enlightenment, become a better version of myself, and connect with the soul that I was carrying on an intuitive level before he entered into the world. I was able to see all of the changes that came along with pregnancy as something to embrace instead of something to fear. Although this is #3 I am still learning to love my darkness and embrace the shadows while constantly seeking wisdom to marry those parts with my light and create an internal balance that manifests into wholeness as I prepare to birth Freedom.
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